A parent recently wondered how to determine what jobs a child might do to earn an allowance and what jobs are just expected. The family already stresses the value of working as a team and has the expectation that everyone contributes to household chores. However, their child was increasing asking “if” and “how much” he would be paid for the job. The amount of energy he was willing to put into a job seemed commensurate to the amount of money promised. Perhaps you have a similar issue – here’s one possible solution. (And Thank You to the parent who submitted the question about this topic.)

Children need to learn the ins and outs of employment. Information is the way to go on this one. It helps to have a conversation that lays out how a child will know whether a job is a paid position or personal responsibility. For example, you could explain that as a member of “Team (your family name)”, he is expected to take care of his personal property (picking up after himself, cleaning his room, hanging up a towel he has used). He is also responsible to help in the general sense of caring for the house (vacuum, dust, set the table). Those jobs may rotate with everyone in the house taking a turn. The family benefits from doing the work together because then it frees up the adults to earn the money to buy the food and pay the bills. He doesn’t earn money for those things because he is already “paid” in the larger sense of having a home and food to eat.

Then there are the money makers. Brainstorm with your child about some of the extra jobs that he or she is able to do in order to earn money. This list includes things that are different from what is just part of running the everyday routine. The list could include sweeping the sidewalks, wash the car, cleaning out a hall closet, hosing out all the trash cans (gloves for this job).  These are jobs that are not done on a daily basis and are not clearly a child’s work. Your child can be “employed” for this type of job. This is also something children can offer to do for others (relatives, family friends) in order to earn money. Then at some point, you may want to introduce service work in the community (raking an elderly neighbor’s lawn, preparing food for someone who is moving in/out) so that children get the big picture of personal responsibility, gainful employment, and contributions to the general welfare of the community.

If you have ideas that you’ve found helpful, feel free to add your comments.

The following excerpt is taken from Please Don’t Eat the Daisies by Jean Kerr. It was written in 1954. Could it possibly be relevant today?

My real problem with children is that I haven’t any imagination. I’m always warning them against the commonplace defections while they are planning the bizarre and unusual. Christopher gets up ahead of the rest of us on Sunday mornings and he has long since been given a list of clear directives: “Don’t wake the baby,” “Don’t go outside in your pajamas,” “Don’t eat cookies before breakfast.” But I never told him, “Don’t make flour paste and glue together all the pages of the magazine section of the Sunday Times.” Now I tell him, of course.

Now we know where all the “DON’T” language originated – Jean Kerr and MY MOTHER. The biggest problem with “don’t” is exactly what Kerr highlights. You just can’t cover every possibility.  I learned this as a preschool teacher, since instead of one “Christopher” there was a classroom full of imaginative thinkers. One class, in particular, found amazing ways to stretch the common rules to the “bizarre and unusual”. As I was crossing the class to the playground, someone started the trend of disrobing before climbing.  When I joined the class on the playground, I was surprised by the sight of 10 little boy bodies all stripped down to their underpants. Who knew we’d need the rule, “clothes stay on at school.” Like Kerr, we added that, of course.

There is a shortcut to all this, however. It’s been said here before, so this is just a reminder. State what you DO want. This is more profitable for several reasons: 1) it tends to be a shorter list, 2) it helps children focus on acceptable choices, and 3) it creates a “picture” of appropriate parameters which makes it easier for children to comply.

Here’s how Kerr would sound by stating what Christopher is able TO DO. “When you get up, notice if anyone is still sleeping. If so, choose quiet activities. You may ___ or ___ (add what is acceptable to you). Your job is to stay safe, so remain in the house. If you get hungry, you may ____ (again, whatever is acceptable).” This plan will work best if there are actual picture reminders for your child, especially if your child is under the age of eight. (More about pictures next week!)

For now, notice where you are focusing: on what you don’t want – or what you DO?