Just in case you wondered how many times children need to hear and practice what TO DO, it is 2000 times in context. That’s right. The practice of appropriate behavior (and lots of it) really does make perfect. Learning to be responsible, disciplined, thoughtful, etc. is a process. Some adults are still working on the basic steps, so it is interesting that there is often an expectation that children should “nail” the skills by the age of 6.

How are we going to maintain the momentum it takes to continually teach children appropriate behavior? Parenting is not a sprint; it’s a marathon and that requires pacing. Children are children for quite a few years and they give us many, many opportunities to provide them with guidance. Here are a few tips for the long – and beautiful – journey.

1. Stay focused on what you do want. Whether the behavior needing to change is a mouthy response or a messy room, stay on topic. “That’s not appropriate; here’s what you can say when you’re frustrated…” or “It’s time to pick up your room. You can start by putting your clothes away or cleaning off your desk.”

2. Stay calm. When stating an expectation, it is more effective when it is delivered in an even tone with positive intent.

3. Consequences help reinforce the learning. “If you choose to leave your clothes on the floor, instead of putting them into the hamper, then they will not get washed. You may run out of clean clothes eventually – just so you know.” (Of course, this only works if your child cares about having clean clothes. More on consequences later).

4. Stay with it, without escalating into anger. Your message is watered down rather than beefed up by anger. Children may react – but generally not because they’re learning to be responsible.

Trust that your child will learn. Continue to teach and you will keep the door of learning open for them.